Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
