My friends, they love my intelligence
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Let's paint friendship bongs
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
