I didn't shave. On purpose
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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