I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
