with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
