I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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