If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
