Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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