You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
