if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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