Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
