I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
