I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
