dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
