Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
