So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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