It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
