Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize