you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
