I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
