i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
