just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dicks are not precious.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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