Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
