So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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