So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
