Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
