Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize