She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
