haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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