What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
