i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
