I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
