Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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