I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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