she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm both gender and math confused
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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