That's when you crack a 10am beer
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
