I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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