i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
