My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
