I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
