You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize