i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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