Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
