And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
