did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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