he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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