I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
