Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
