and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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