new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
