I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
