I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
