My balls are so social today.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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