a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
