I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
