so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
