I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
