that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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