Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Your cock deserves a montage
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
