Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
