i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
