if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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