Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
