My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
