Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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