my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
