PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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