Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
