Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
