The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
