yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
