I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
