True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize