So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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