That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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