he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize