I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
