I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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