I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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