I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize