Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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