UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
