Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
