chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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