do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
