I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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