I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
